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Updated: Aug 12, 2023

While I didn’t grow up in the church I did give my life to Jesus as a youth. Much like many others, my past is filled with brokenness and trauma. But God has taken what the enemy meant to harm me and He has used it to grow me, free me, and heal me.

He is always bringing me back to His original design for me. Reminding me I am worth every drop of blood He spilt on the cross and that He would do it over and over again to ensure He’d be with me forever.

He is teaching me what it is to think eternally and bring Kingdom wherever I go, just as He did.

For the first 17 years of my Christian life, I lived trying to put to death the flesh. I tried my best to walk in love. But it was all religious, behavior modification. It wasn’t until I encountered Abba Father in a vision that would change me from the deepest part of my being. I finally knew His radical and personal love for me.

He showed me what it actually was to pick up my cross and follow. To get it, you have to be humble like a little child. And if you’re wise you’ll miss it, because of pride. I had missed it for so long. I had been resisting His love for me, for my entire walk. Until that day.

I had received the baptism of the Holy Spirit right before having this vision and now I know- we love because He first loved us.

It’s literally impossible for us to love. We have to first surrender to His love. Surrender every part of ourselves to every part of Him. And then, and only then, can He freely move through us and be brought glory. Then and only then, can we die to self and live as Christ. Then and only then, can we love as He loves.

~ Amanda Santistevan

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