Hello, my name is Sarah and I am a thirty year old virgin.
Yes, you read that correctly.
Today, I am engaged to the love of my life and by the grace of God he too, is a virgin.
I realize that this is a gift.
A gift that we both have waited to be with one person and to save ourselves until we say “I Do.”
I know this isn’t everyone’s story.
But what I do know is that God is the God who redeems all of our stories and makes everything so beautiful.
I didn’t grow up in the church. I definitely was exposed to the idea of sex before marriage because it’s in our worlds culture. How can you not see it? It’s everywhere!
Two people are in love, they find their “person” and the emotions lead up to desiring a further intimacy to make that connection stronger.
Honestly, our culture has devalued the intimacy and beauty of what God had created sex to be.
It is something that is supposed to be beautiful, sacred, honoring, holy, and for marriage. (1 Thessalonians 4:3-8)
I was not immune to “purity culture.” The discussions were of “saving yourself until marriage” and “just don’t have sex.” I will admit, I fell into judgment of those who struggled with sexual sin or those who chose to have sex before marriage. Of course, I wanted to be married and wait until marriage. But I was quick to point fingers and not fully understand the temptation and truth behind “waiting” and how much we need the “Helper” to guide us in the waiting and fully trust Him.
To my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ who are waiting until marriage: the wait will be worth it!
God's timing will be worth it. Because you are worth it. God will honor your trust and obedience to Him in the waiting by showing you that He is your everything.
Your spouse won’t complete you. Only God can and He will.
Believe me, the wait will be worth it.
Is it easy? No!
The temptations are absolutely real. My fiancé and I had never been in a relationship before. We were each other’s first boyfriend and girlfriend. We both knew without a doubt we would wait to have sex until marriage. In our Christian community, it made sense. Outside of that, we definitely heard some of the “wait, really?” comments.
Waiting until marriage is not something as common as it used to be.
I personally saw this time of waiting as not the “end goal,” but that it was to truly honor our relationship to the Lord.
As our feelings for each other deepened, so did our attraction to each other as well.
I did not know how to handle or process this at first, because it was all so new to me. To not only receive love, but to also reciprocate this love to someone else.
“Am I sinning for wanting to show love and affection? Did we cross our boundaries? Lord, did I mess up?” were the questions I was asking!
For my fiancé and I, all we have ever done physically is kiss. Now, have some make out sessions gotten intense? YES! Absolutely. (Just keepin’ it real, folks!). And by the grace of God, nothing further has happened. Yet, I was so fearful of messing up because I couldn’t differentiate if I was condemning myself or if it was actual conviction from the Holy Spirit.
It was very humbling to my pride because I did not understand the true struggles of what it actually meant to wait for marriage.
I can tell you this, it requires full dependency on the Holy Spirit to guide you and your relationship. It requires abiding in the true vine and asking the Lord how to honor the person you love.
“I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.” John 15:5 NKJV
Countless conversations about our boundaries were required.
And it's true what they say, communication is key. If you’re not on the same page in your faith, it will become difficult. When we fell short, we prayed, we repented and confided in our closest friends for advice and support.
The lie that satan wants us to believe is that you can’t share your struggles or be vulnerable with your person or with your people.
But you are not meant to figure this out on your own.
“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”
1 Thessalonians 5:11 ESV
In the waiting, I have had the privilege to know my fiancé’s heart in a greater depth.
I have been able to experience and see first hand a man whose character has honored and respected me entirely. I learned that he has been and is always willing to have the hard conversations. He is quick to forgive, and that He too sees me worth the wait.
And to me, that is the beauty in the waiting.
Most likely by the time you actually read this, I will be married on September 5, 2021 to the man I truly believe God has chosen for me, for all the days of my life.
I will be married to the man I have prayed for and waited quite a long time for.
And on that day of our celebration, we both know that in the waiting, God is glorified.
That what God created is good! It isn’t something we should take for granted, nor be embarrassed to talk about.
God created sex! God created this beautiful gift of intimacy in the covenant of marriage.
So, take heart brothers and sisters! He is with you in this season. He is with you with your questions, your heartbreaks, and He will show you that He is ultimately worth it.
He is worthy of it.
And so are you.
~ Sarah Sendejas