I have had this thought, really a question, for some time now.

If God created sex to be holy, good, and an act of a covenant relationship which He’s all about, then why does it feel sinful?

I know many God-honoring people who did everything biblically correct. And many Christian marriages that honestly did nothing right. I’m finding a lot of them have shared one common theme in their sex lives.


Satan loves to awaken sex before it's time and puts it to bed after marriage, when the time has arrived.

As much as I hate that phrase, it has rung true - not just for me.

My husband and I are going on 17 years married. We had a lot of locust-eating years, if you know what I mean.

After a decade of struggle, we finally had significant breakthrough around intimacy.

Most of us have seen how easily the enemy distorts sex. I can go into all the ways he has done so in my own life but I think it’s time to focus more on what sex is supposed to be, rather than what it’s not.

In the middle of my confusion and disappointment, my big question to the Lord has been this:

I know it’s not supposed to be like this, but how did You create it to be? What was Your original design and intention? What is Holy sex supposed to be like?

I would hear church ladies say things like, “Please your man so he doesn’t look at porn.”

That didn’t sit well with me.

The notion that my job is to gratify his flesh so he doesn’t sin doesn’t line up with all the scripture I’ve read, telling us to put to death our flesh. 1 Corinthians 9:27, Galatians 5:24, Romans 8:13 to list only a few.

Or I would hear this one, “Have your makeup done for him when he comes home.”

While I know that there is a place to honor your man and it’s fun to get dolled up, this also felt contrived to me.