I wasn’t born a deeply compassionate person.

I do care about people very much, but feelings of compassion aren’t a common occurrence for me.

In the past few months, I have found myself with even less feelings of compassion and empathy than normal.

Being a childcare worker, that can be quite an issue.

Before I share about the lack of compassion I’ve felt, I should give you some context to the story of how I got where I am today.

I grew up as the youngest sibling and was usually surrounded by people older than me. As I came into my teen years, I remember feeling disgusted by the idea of babysitting, or being around kids in general. I did not want anything to do with them. I avoided serving in kid’s ministry at church, and avoided children for the most part.

After a cross-country move and some very big changes in my life, I found myself at a new church. I attended the church for a few months and before I knew it, the Lord convicted my heart that I needed to be serving in His house. While in prayer, I asked the Lord what team He wanted me to serve at the church, and it became clear that He was leading me to serve in the kids ministry.

I was afraid.

I had barely ever spent time with children, so how was I supposed to know how to help teach them about the Lord?

I will never forget the first day I served in the kids ministry. I was in a classroom of 3 and 4 year olds. I had no idea as to what I was doing. I remember just doing my best to be engaged with the kids and keep them on task. I committed to serve once a month, and so I showed up.

I rarely felt any feelings of compassion, and really only felt overwhelmed for a long time.

But I showed up, and I didn’t stop showing up.

Somewhere in that time, and without me even noticing, I began to feel a deep compassion and care for these children I was helping teach.

One day I looked up, and instead of being overwhelmed by the chaos around me, I felt overwhelmed with the deep feeling of love and compassion for these children that I barely knew.

Before I knew it, I was deeply involved with the kids ministry at my church. So much so, that when they launched a daycare I was hired as a teacher! I felt like I was on top of the world. I had the privilege of teaching kids about Jesus for a living. I was teaching classes on weekdays and on Sundays.

But slowly, the feeling of compassion, and my passion for that matter, faded away.

I found myself with a plate full of teaching children, yet no compassion to fuel it.